1 year

A collection of memories I hope I’ll never have to archive.

18 April 2021

Friday night we make critically acclaimed haikus
Saturday afternoon we were Egyptian master builders
Sunday morning you’re my ride from the bedroom to the ottoman
Some days I just want to tell you I love you, but I can’t bear not hearing it back
So I hold you tight before we part ways, and hope you know I mean just that

27 April 2021

We took two days off this week but it’s been crazy busy for you the past few days. We’re trying to agree on what time to meet, and in typical fashion I insist on a later time to let you sleep in while you insist on an earlier time so as not to waste our holiday. I go into my usual long, explanatory monologue text to iron out details and you reply by saying “we took these days off to spend them together”. My anxiety about being another burden in your life disappears and I realize that all I want to do is be with you the soonest – whether you’re awake or still sleeping

12 June 2021

We’re looking out the dark waters of Macritchie Reservoir and we see a person walking towards us. I tease you that it might be a zombie. You then make me promise, for your birthday, that if it ever happens that a zombie attacks us, I will run and let you save me. I don’t agree to it and tell you I’d rather die with you. You explain that you’d rather see me live and be happy. And that though it’s sad, sad things are what make good things good – otherwise everything is average. I don’t say anything because I’m crying. I don’t know if you realized how much it hurt me to listen to you say all that. You have no idea how miserable I’d be if that happened

17 June 2021

Nothing in particular to write about today. Just wanted to appreciate how you always take the time to check on me every day, even when you’re busy. I secretly love how you’ve been calling me “honey” lately, and “Koala”, and “KB”. And though it’s always still a struggle, I find it easier to open up to you about my fears and feelings. If I could solve all your problems for you, I would. But as I can’t, I hope my company gives you a safe space and respite from the daily drudgeries of life. Because that’s how I feel about you. Thank you for always being there for me.

21 June 2021

A week ago I got unreasonably upset because I thought you left me hanging in the middle of a conversation, and it played up a lot of my previous bad experiences unexpectedly. I regretted it and apologized, and am I one lucky girl because you instantly forgave me. We had a talk about it and you listened to me without judgement. You told me you understood where I’m coming from, even if I know it’s an unhealthy habit of mine. You told me you’ll start letting me know when you can’t continue a conversation when you have to do something, and I felt that you valued my feelings. I don’t even do that all the time, but you actively trying to do that was so considerate of you. Today you did that, and I thanked you before the day ended. You replied with “you deserve it”. I wish I can be a person who deserves a person like you.

17 July 21

After a long emotional day – me asking you if you loved me and you telling me you’re not sure, and us talking it all out – I snuggled close to you in bed, wrapped my leg around you and said, “you’re my favorite”.

“You’re my favourite too”, you answered

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