Tears

Tonight I cried in such a beautiful place. The vast expanse of the night sky in front of me with little dots of lights lining the horizon. Just me sat down on a long stretch of pavement right beside the water. We used to always pass this, whenever we went cycling. How I wanted us to stop and sit right where I was, to watch the wind calmly roll tiny waves into a singular direction. But we rarely did – I was more invested in reaching the destination, clocking the miles, and not losing momentum.

But tonight, as I listened to Animal Feelings and felt the breeze across my skin, I felt thankful for this memory. That, and how the heavy rain on the walk home washed away any mark of the tears that once ran down my face.

Last ticket

That was my last ticket.

If before I didn’t trust in someone skirting the temptation of other women, this time I won’t be able to trust anyone who professes their love. What a miserable life ahead, when love was my greatest aspiration and strength. Is there a place where I can shed these heavy memories of empty promises and tenderness? Tell me, because I want nothing more but to be carried away by a gust of no consequences, no accountabilities, and no sad feelings. But all I have is a hand without any tickets.